Laugh Out News

Black Widow Gobbles 181 Chicken Wings In 12 Minutes

Steven Carter — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 10:36:50 +0000

Sonya Thomas, dubbed the Black Widow, scarfed down 181 chicken wings in 12 minutes to be crowned the winner at the 10th annual National Buffalo Wing Festival, in Buffalo, NY on Sunday.

She’s called the Black Widow of eating because she often destroys men in eating contest.

The fact that she’s a woman with a bottomless gut is not even the crazy part! At about 5 feet in height and barely weighing over 100 lbs, the 43-year old looks like she doesn’t have an ounce of fat on her.

Sonya Thomas smashed the previous year’s record, which was also held by her, to beat eating marvel Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, who came in second with 174 wings.

The winner gets 1,500 dollars, while the runner-up wins 750 dollars, and third place gets 300 dollars.

Watch video of Sonya Thomas destroying those chicken wings.

More pictures of Sonya Thomas:

‘Dancing With the Stars’ New Lightning Rod Cast to Include Ron Artest, Nancy Grace, Chaz Bono, & More

Cindy Welch — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 11:55:02 +0000

“Dancing With the Stars” is definitely trying to maintain their burgeoning ratings with a new and very interesting group of celebrities. Meet the new bunch of two left feet characters that are sure to have people infrangibly locked to the tube for every minute of DWTS Season 13

Ron Artest: The quirky L.A. Laker star who plans to change his name to ‘Metta World Peace’ is glad to find something to do during the NBA lockout.

Nancy Grace: This uber opinionated TV host and former trial lawyer will definitely tango with the judges.

Chaz Bono: The First tranny ever on the show plans to get down with the disco balls

Kristin Cavallari: Former star of “The Hills” and “Laguna Beach,” hopefully can stay around longer than her former co-star Audrina Patridge did last fall?

Ricki Lake: Talk-show host and actress should call on her experience in the “Hairspray” movie musical if she plans to succeed.

David Arquette: As one of the only survivors of all four “Scream” and a brief WCW championship holder, this star has proven survivor skills.

Robert Kardashian: The younger and only male sibling of the Kardashian sisters, everyone knows you just can’t lose with a Kardashian.

Other cast members include Wilson Phillips singer, Chynna Phillips; “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” Carson Kressley, actor J.R. Martinez; World Cup soccer player Hope Solo; and Italian actress & George Clooney‘s ex, Elisabetta Canalis.

Newlyweds Arrested For Stealing Food For Wedding Reception

Steven Carter — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 16:34:43 +0000

PITTSBURGH, PA— Arthur Phillips, 31, and his 22-year-old bride, Brittany Lurch, were arrested on Saturday for stealing $1,049 worth of groceries for their wedding reception, according to Patton Township Police Chief John Petrick.

The newlyweds filled a shopping cart with all kinds of finger foods at a Wegmans supermarket in State College and left without paying. Emboldened by their initial success, the couple returned, added more delicacies to the cart and placed a large order for seafood items, says police.

Sensing the Pigs were hot on their tails, Phillips & Lurch left the store before picking up their seafood order, but were quickly nabbed by the cops, who had been notified by the store. Cheif Patrick explained:

(It was) an array of stuff that someone might need for a wedding reception, including ham, turkey, cheese, vegetable platters, soda and utensils… They admitted to stealing the items for their wedding celebration that evening, saying they had gotten married several days earlier.

Arthur Phillips and Brittany Lurch were charged with retail theft and receiving stolen property. They won’t have to spend their honeymoon in jail however; because they were later released on bail.

Cheers to this couple for starting off marriage on the wrong foot by attempting to bring “hot” food to their wedding reception. Needless to say they are very talented economizers because they were able to fill up 2 carts with only $1049 dollars worth of Wegmans groceries.

Nude Dude Strolling Vero Beach Tells Police He’s ‘Just Out Here Helping People’

Steven Carter — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 14:03:33 +0000

Vero Beach, FL – Robert Johnson, a 57-year-old Vero Beach man, was arrested after alarming Humiston Park bystanders with an unwanted exhibition of his body completely in the buff. When police confronted nude dude Johnson, he resisted arrest telling theVero Beach officers, “‘I’m just out here helping people!’”

According to a recently released arrest affidavit, an officer was waved down by a couple and their teen daughters just before 8 p.m. Aug. 19 about a man exposing himself at the showers.

When Police put an eye on nude dude Robert Johnson, 57, he was standing in the buff in plain view of about 15 to 20 people. Witnesses said Johnson strolled “completely naked” for three to four minuteson the beach before police arrived.

Johnson’s genitalia was “plainly visible,” the affidavit states. Johnson declined to provide identification and resisted being taken into custody when confronted by officers saying:

“‘You can’t take me to jail for this, I’m just out here helping people!’”

Nude dude Robert Johnson was charged with indecent exposure and resisting an officer without violence.

Up until now, it has not been made clear what kind of assistance Johnson was providing to the public, Nor were there any details provided about who accepted assistance from the nude dude in the one page affidavit.

CLICK IMAGE BELOW TO READ JOHNSON’S ARREST AFFIDAVIT

Splattered Bull Baby Batter Shuts Down Highway Ramp

Steven Carter — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 11:18:59 +0000

NASHVILLE, Tenn – Giant canisters of frozen bull semen fell from a Greyhound bus causing a minor scare after emergency officials found them emitting a strange vapor by the side of the road near downtown Nashville.

The canisters fell off just before 6 a.m. on Tuesday as the bus traveled around the curve of a ramp to Interstate 65. Metro Nashville police and fire officials were called to the scene because of reports of a foul odor coming from the four leaking canisters.

According to reports, the four canisters of sperm and dry ice were en route from Ohio to a Texas cow breeding facility. Officials closed down the ramp until they determined what was in the containers, but the scene was cleared around 9 a.m. resulting in a happy ending for all.

Boozy Babe Arrested Over Bikini Wax Beef

kujo Black — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 10:30:40 +0000

IOWA CITY, Iowa – Anna Bacon-Silveira, a 39-year-old Iowa woman, is sobering up behind bars after becoming irate and going upside the head of a salon employee with a towel because she was denied service Tuesday afternoon.

Zender’s Salon & Spa employees denied Bacon-Silveira a bikini wax because they believed she was intoxicated. According to Iowa City cops, Anna became so upset she “assaulted an employee by snapping a towel at her.”

Bacon-Silveira fled the salon on foot, but was picked up by cops when she was spotted running behind the Iowa City Police Department headquarters, which is a block from Zender’s. Cops noted that a wobbly Bacon-Silveira “appeared to be very intoxicated admitted to having a few drinks.”

Although the employee was not injured, Bacon-Silveira was slapped with misdemeanor assault and public intoxication charges. She immediately pleaded guilty to both charges and was ordered to pay a $390 fine.

Strange Creepy Plus Size Model Treats Her 300 Dolls Like They’re Real Babies

Steven Carter — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 11:03:29 +0000

Marilyn Mansfield, a tattooed, platinum blond, plus-size model from Staten Island, has turned her apartment into a creepy silent 24hr daycare filled with handmade, eerily lifelike baby dolls she keeps carefully arranged in carriages and cribs.

Mansfield, 33, who is married with three supposedly not so jealous kids, looks after her more than 300 dolls as if they were her real-life babies, changing their clothes, washing their hair and taking them to the park to play.

“I take them anywhere you would bring a real baby,” said Mansfield, who often shocks people with her fake babies. “I don’t do it for the shock value. I do it for myself because it makes me happy. I just loved when my kids were babies — and these babies stay babies forever. I buy them clothes. They never grow out of them and they never get dirty.”

As well as handmade lifelike dolls known as ‘reborns’ that have human hair, weigh the same as babies and cost up to $2,000, Mrs Mansfield has a collection of 300 dolls worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.

“I know they’re not alive, but their facial expressions give them all their own personalities,” she said. “When women hold babies, they release hormones. I think that’s what it is for me — it makes me feel good.”

Mansfield doesn’t leave the house without one of her dolls that look so real they often attract the unwanted attention of baby-loving passerbys.

“People will come over and ask me, ‘How old is he?’ ” Mansfield said. “I’ll try to ignore them. If they keep on, I’ll say, ‘Look, it’s not a baby.’ ”

Mansfield recalls a recent incident at Kmart when a woman said to her, ” ‘Your baby looks a little pale. Is he OK?’… She touched him and screamed when she found out it was a doll,”

Marilyn Mansfield, or ‘Lady Goo-Goo-Ga-Ga’, will be featured on TLC’s new show “My Collection Obsession,” which premieres next Sunday at 10 p.m.

Man Falls 5-Stories, Receives Double Impalement, Lives To See Another Day

Steven Carter — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 18:28:24 +0000

San Antonio, Texas — Julian Mattes should by thankful for his guardian angel or one of his 9 lives after falling five stories from a downtown apartment building and being impaled by an iron fence. The 33-year-old man was hospitalized Tuesday morning but miraculously listed in stable condition.

Police said Mattes fell out of a window at the Maverick Apartments at around 1 a.m. and crashed onto the fence. Two of the posts speared the front and back of his neck, police said.

Firefighters cut the fence to free Mattes, but they couldn’t remove the posts from his body until he got to the hospital. Police do not suspect suicide or foul play in the incident and are calling it a bizarre accident.

Hmmm, bizarre accident? Was he sleep walking or something?

Nominated For Worst Mom Of The Year Award: Woman Who Force 6-Year-Old Daughter To Videotape Her Orgy

Steven Carter — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 00:33:38 +0000

DALLAS — A woman has been accused of forcing her 6-year-old daughter to use cellphone video to record her having group sex, according to Dallas police.

The identity of this sleazy maternal failure of a woman is not being released by media sources to protect the identity of the child in the sex-related case. The woman has been charged with indecency with a child and is being held in the Dallas County Jail in lieu of $50,000 bail.

Police said a tip brought the woman’s apartment to the attention of the authorities and a subsequent investigation unveiled three incidents since March and several participating men.

The young girl has been placed in care of Child Protective Services – and that’s a good thing because there seems to be a lot more sickness than indecency with a child going on here.

President Obama Isn’t Nobody’s Boy

LizzyT — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 16:58:25 +0000

Pat ‘Bigoty’ Buchanan was bold or crazy enough to reference President Obama as ‘Your Boy’ during an interview with Rev. Al Sharpton. The remark led to Sharpton responding ferociously, telling Buchanan that he needs to respect Barack Obama as his president and everyone’s president. Buchanan initially refused to issue an apology, but eventually took the time to “clarify his remarks.”